Helen's Happy Christmas

We've decided to go against the grain a little over here at Helen Of Troy... and not post anything resembling a round-up of the year or indeed ones to watch in 2009. When we say go against the grain, what we really mean to say is that we don't have the time - what with one of us jetting off to New York imminently and the other being slightly addicted to their new Wii console – and so we're closing down for the holidays in preparation for coming back even bigger and badder in the new year.

Thanks to everyone for reading and making this blog a joy to write. Thanks to everyone who's contributed pieces, and to the likes of Greg, Adem and Thom for their amazing kind words and fantastic promotion; we adore you all.

Merry Christmas everyone and a very Happy New Year too.

Lots of love Marie-Claire and Lyndsey. See you in 2009!

xxxxxx

Helen Of Troy Does Countertop Dancing Gets A Makeover

As some of you might know, tomorrow night’s Helen Of Troy Does Countertop Dancing will be our last event for a while. Fear not though dear friends, we’ll be back in the new year and it’s going to be a bigger and better affair; a bit like a Dr Who regeneration, but with more oestrogen!

Though the plans for the reincarnation are far from complete, we can reveal that it will tale place every couple of months and will feature bands, guest DJs and some very special surprises. So watch this space!

We’ve had an awesome time over the past eight months and would like to thank everyone who’s shimmied, vogued or fallen in love on our dancefloor. Also, thanks to those who have supported and helped us out, we know it hasn't been easy.

If you’re worried that a month without Helen... will leave you lacking in lovely lady music, be calm. Helen Of Troy Does Countertop Writings will still be on hand with a bi-weekly dose of music news and comment as well as updates on the future of your favourite feminist clubnight. So if you haven't bookmarked us already, make sure you do!

So it's goodbye from her, and it's goodbye from her...

for now...

muhahahahahahahahaha.

Helen Of Troy Does Countertop Dancing
Friday 12th December at Charlies (Harter Street, off Princess Street)
10pm to 4am, £4, £3 w/flyer or NUS.
See you there!

Album Review: Britney Spears - Circus

The excessive airbrushing on the cover of Britney's latest offering, Circus, is sadly indicative of the album's content, which utilises all kinds of digital trickery to gloss over any of the Louisiana pop princesses interesting quirks. All but one or two of the sixteen tracks on the album see Britter's voice vocoded to fuck, which worked on Blackout, as we knew she was probably too wasted to complete a vocal, but now she's meant to be clean, we expected a little more. Lyrically, there are moments of real openness, but more often than not, they're completely cancelled out by a corny cliché or an unnecessary effect.

Though the quality of the album is patchy at best, there are some stone-cold pop classics on Circus, including opening track Womanizer, which has now hypnotised Helen Of Troy..., crushing any early reservations we might have had. Equally fabulous is second track and second single Circus, which we think is as good, if not better, than anything in the Britney back catalogue. When she sings 'I'm like a ring-leader I call the shots', you very nearly believe her. Unfortunately, after the excellence of Circus, we're confronted by one of the blandest ballads we've ever heard, Out From Under, which, given a few lyrical tweaks, wouldn't have sounded out of place on Britney's début album from 10 years ago. Out From Under is followed by two so-so electro tracks, Kill The Lights and Shattered Glass, which though far from bad, are still nothing to get too excited about.

After the bit of bland comes If You Seek Amy, which, if listened to correctly, has the refrain 'All of the boys and all of the girls are dying to F-U-C-K-Me'. Helen Of Troy... loves a good pun, so this song is right up our street. We also love the maniacal laughter and unusual allusions to la Wino. Strangely brilliant. Ms Spears slows the pace for the next song, the gorgeous Unusual You, which proves that Britney doesn't have to choose between high-energy pop classic or bland saccharine ballad. It's a real highlight, and sounds like the kind of material a 27-year-old Britney should be making.

From there on in, the album's either uncomfortably weird or just plain dull. Much has been made of the strangeness of Mmm Papi, which features some of the worst pop lyrics of the of the past 10 years 'Now see, I'm mommy and that makes you papi, and that makes us lovey'. WTF? Another unbelievably awful track is Phonography, which made Helen Of Troy... want to throw the CD out of the window. It really is that bad. The rest of the tracks on the album fall into one of two camps; faceless electro-pop or sickening ballads. Neither of which float Helen Of Troy...'s boat.

Circus pretty much sums up Britter's entire career: when she's good, she's very fucking good, but when she's bad, she's horrid.

5/10

Which Pop Princess Will Usurp The Queen?

Magic Madge, the Queen of pop, has spent the last few decades at the top of the popular music tree. But as the clocks wind on, the years fade by and leotard manufacturers become increasingly reticent to clothe Ms Ciccone, the question ascends. As Madonna becomes the Queen Mother of pop, who will become Queen?

If you'd asked that question to early noughties pop fans, they would have probably rattled off a list of potential candidates, including Britney, Christina and P!nk. But in the intervening years the madness, plagiarism, madness, fake tan, madness and generally being shit have all gotten in the way a little. These days it seems like Sarah Palin might be a better candidate!

The thing is that Madonna hasn't simply been musically significant (which she certainly has), but also culturally, sartorially and inspirationally. Like her or not, it's difficult to argue against the fact that she has pushed boundaries artistically, commercially (Pepsi wanted their money back!), and sexually (the D.H. Lawrence picture book). Are there any contemporary Fempops who can hold a candle to her?

Maybe there's Beyonce? Getting the obvious stuff out of the way; she's been phenomenally successful, both in Destiny's Child and as a solo artist. Her music has pretty wide appeal and few could argue with the brilliance of Bills, Bills, Bills and Crazy In Love. At the moment, though, she seems to be playing it extremely safe. The concept for I Am... Sacha Fierce is clever, but the songs are lacking in sass. Did the independent woman up and leave as soon as Jay-Z put a ring on her finger?

What about Gwen then? Stefani's first album was a hoot and the lead track, What You Waiting For? is indescribably brilliant. She also has a successful band career and lots of support from some pretty cool peers. Although the last album wasn't quite up to snuff, she has retained the bleeding edge of cool and is definitely a unique force in music (would anyone else have been absurd enough to try Wind It Up?). All this could be for nought, though, as she saddles up with the No Doubt boys once again.

And what of Britney? She may well have collected the fragile pieces of her mind up off the bathroom floor but her music is now verging on the criminally insane (if I was dating a girl who said the word Womanizer anywhere near as much, I'm sure I'd have put cyanide on her cheesy chips some time ago). Has Britney consistently produced the classic tracks that we need from a pop Queen? Baby One More Time or Toxic are pretty good I guess, but she's yet to blow us all away.

It could be anyone of these artists, or none. Maybe I'm looking in the wrong place and it'll be a Lily Allen, an M.I.A. or a Cheryl Cole. Or maybe it's just that the age of the superstar is over. With music available by the track in a hundred different formats, we don't all have to buy the same vinyl or watch the same TOTP any more. If and when the right time and artist comes along, I'm pretty sure Queen Madge will still be in the ring to put the newbie through her paces.

Jordan Stead

Currently listening to...
Alphabeat - Alphabeat
Natalie Imbruglia - White Lilies Island
Cibo Matto - Viva La Woman

New Music: Florence And The Machine

The time has come for critics across the land to start unveiling their hot tips for 2009. One of the most popular choices, and rightly so, is loveable London-based quirky collective, Florence And The Machine.

Florence Welch - the integral cog in the utterly compelling and slightly cockamamie musical machine - is like a younger Kate Bush and a much less annoying Kate Nash, replete with a big voice, and a devilishly dotty mindset.

Kiss With A Fist, a firm favourite of Helen Of Troy..., is a brazen anthemic diatribe exploring the hard-hitting truth of destructive relationships, set to a punchy lo-fi indie-pop sound.

Latest single, Dog Days Are Over, is a stunning climatic delight. Featuring an intricate acoustic intro accompanied by Welch's haunting vocals, it steadily builds into a stunning Northern Soul-ish crescendo. If you're yet to hear it, we posted the awesome video here last week.

Let's hope FATM's dog days are over, and next year sees them turn into a well-oiled machine, churning out hit after hit after hit.

www.myspace.com/florenceandthemachinemusic

No Doubt Are (Holla)Back

When Gwen Stefani released her epic slice of pop perfection What You Waiting For? back in 2004, it seemed that No Doubt might become a mere footnote in pop history. Granted, ND had their own moments of glory, but nothing compared to the magnificent madness of Gwennie Gwen Gwen and her Harajuku Girls.

While No Doubt never officially split, Helen Of Troy... was still a little surprised when we heard last week that Ms Stefani will re-join her bandmates for a world tour in 2009. It has since been announced that the band's first live date in five years will happen in New York in May, and will feature a mix of new material and old classics. While Gwen's loyalty is commendable, Helen Of Troy... would choose solo Stefani over ND any day. Away from the ska-lite constraints of No Doubt, she's blossomed into one of the most delightfully bonkers, culturally important popstars of the noughties, so we don't really understand why she's going back.

Her bandmates had better pull something pretty special out of the hat if they don't want this tour to seem like a pity party!

We're not sure if we're being a little harsh on the old No Doubt boys, so we'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter. Is this tour a step backwards or can both brand Gwen and No Doubt co-exist in poifect harmony?

Helen Of Troy... Does Audience Participation: Part Trois

Well dear audience, it's time for the rock instalment of our ahem... much-debated 'top three favourite...' series. This has been the trickiest selection so far with so many fabulous artists and bands to choose from. Remember we wanna hear who your top three are, so get your proverbial thinking caps on and let us know who makes your list.

Without further ado, here are our top three favourite female rock acts of all time...

1. Patti Smith
Affectionately referred to as the Godmother of punk-rock, without who the acts listed below may never have existed. Need we say more?!

2. PJ Harvey
We heart Polly Jean over here at Helen Of Troy... and consequently believe the wondrous woman can do no wrong – not even by ditching her glorious guitar to produce a piano-based album full of bewitching ballads. She's proved herself an immense and unique talent over the years; transcending genres and stereotypes to become one of the most consistently interesting artists of all time.

3. Hole
Third place was a close call, but we finally decided it should go to Courtney and friends for the sheer impact they had upon the rock world back in the early 90s. They may not be the most prolific of bands, but what they lack in albums they more than made up for in attitude and accolades.

Time to let us know who your top three are. Comment away!

Music Round-up 20th November to 4th December

Monday 24th November - Ladytron
Liverpool-formed electro-pop lovelies Ladytron have been plying their stark, stylish, synth-led sound for ten years now. Their fourth studio album Velocifero, released earlier this year, is a gorgeous exercise in industrial indie-dance. Live, the quartet creates a mesmerizing, multilayered sound that more than makes up for their at-times impenetrable detached cool.
www.myspace.com/ladytron
Details: Academy 2, UMSU, Oxford Road, Central Manchester
7.30pm, £12.50 (excluding fees)

Wednesday 26th November - Little Boots
When we saw Little Boots supporting Ladyhawke back at the beginning of October, we were well impressed by the delightful disco-pop this little lady created with her sugary-sweet vocals and weird and wonderful instruments (The Helen Of Troy… Needs A Tenori-On Fund is still on the go btw!). Since then, Ms Boots played a storming set on Jools Holland and looks set for world domination in 2009. Catch her now before she gets too big for her Little Boots (sorry, we couldn't resist).
www.myspace.com/littlebootsmusic
Details: The Deaf Institute, Grosvenor Street, Central Manchester
10pm, £5 (excluding fees)

Thursday 27th November - Lykke Li
While Little Boots looks set to be one of the big success stories of 2009, Lykke Li was undoubtedly one of the best finds of 2008. Her début album, Youth Novels, is a superb collection of electro classics that gets better with every listen. When we saw the Swedish singer at the beginning of the year, we were blown away by the difference between her polished studio sound and her raw-like-sushi live performance. Though we were impressed by the former, the fierceness of the latter made us fall in love all over again. We can't wait to find out where she's at now.
www.myspace.com/lykkeli
Details: Academy 3, UMSU, Oxford Road, Central Manchester
7.30pm, £11 (excluding fees)

Friday 28th November - Róisín Murphy
Since Róisín Murphy left Moloko back in 2003, she's been producing some of the most consistently excellent, genre-pushing electro-pop around. By rights, she should be playing arenas by now instead of Manchester Academy (again). While her inability to break through to the mainstream proper might seem unfair, at least it means fans of the Irish songstress get to see her in relatively close quarters and get to stand up and dance when she plays stone-cold classics like Ramalama, Ruby Blue, Overpowered and You Know Me Better. Ooh, and she's supported by the fucking fantastic Bishi, who creates 21st-Century torch songs that ooze drama and combine traditional Asian instruments with electro-pop beats.
www.myspace.com/roisinmurphy
www.myspace.com/bishimusic
Details: Academy 1, Oxford Road, Central Manchester
7.30pm, £16.50 (excluding fees)

Florence & The Machine - Dog Days Are Over

We'll be posting a new music piece on this fantastic new(ish) talent over the next couple of weeks. Until then, check out the new single and video below - it's fricking awesome!



http://www.myspace.com/florenceandthemachinemusic