Album Review: Britney Spears - Circus

The excessive airbrushing on the cover of Britney's latest offering, Circus, is sadly indicative of the album's content, which utilises all kinds of digital trickery to gloss over any of the Louisiana pop princesses interesting quirks. All but one or two of the sixteen tracks on the album see Britter's voice vocoded to fuck, which worked on Blackout, as we knew she was probably too wasted to complete a vocal, but now she's meant to be clean, we expected a little more. Lyrically, there are moments of real openness, but more often than not, they're completely cancelled out by a corny cliché or an unnecessary effect.

Though the quality of the album is patchy at best, there are some stone-cold pop classics on Circus, including opening track Womanizer, which has now hypnotised Helen Of Troy..., crushing any early reservations we might have had. Equally fabulous is second track and second single Circus, which we think is as good, if not better, than anything in the Britney back catalogue. When she sings 'I'm like a ring-leader I call the shots', you very nearly believe her. Unfortunately, after the excellence of Circus, we're confronted by one of the blandest ballads we've ever heard, Out From Under, which, given a few lyrical tweaks, wouldn't have sounded out of place on Britney's début album from 10 years ago. Out From Under is followed by two so-so electro tracks, Kill The Lights and Shattered Glass, which though far from bad, are still nothing to get too excited about.

After the bit of bland comes If You Seek Amy, which, if listened to correctly, has the refrain 'All of the boys and all of the girls are dying to F-U-C-K-Me'. Helen Of Troy... loves a good pun, so this song is right up our street. We also love the maniacal laughter and unusual allusions to la Wino. Strangely brilliant. Ms Spears slows the pace for the next song, the gorgeous Unusual You, which proves that Britney doesn't have to choose between high-energy pop classic or bland saccharine ballad. It's a real highlight, and sounds like the kind of material a 27-year-old Britney should be making.

From there on in, the album's either uncomfortably weird or just plain dull. Much has been made of the strangeness of Mmm Papi, which features some of the worst pop lyrics of the of the past 10 years 'Now see, I'm mommy and that makes you papi, and that makes us lovey'. WTF? Another unbelievably awful track is Phonography, which made Helen Of Troy... want to throw the CD out of the window. It really is that bad. The rest of the tracks on the album fall into one of two camps; faceless electro-pop or sickening ballads. Neither of which float Helen Of Troy...'s boat.

Circus pretty much sums up Britter's entire career: when she's good, she's very fucking good, but when she's bad, she's horrid.

5/10

Which Pop Princess Will Usurp The Queen?

Magic Madge, the Queen of pop, has spent the last few decades at the top of the popular music tree. But as the clocks wind on, the years fade by and leotard manufacturers become increasingly reticent to clothe Ms Ciccone, the question ascends. As Madonna becomes the Queen Mother of pop, who will become Queen?

If you'd asked that question to early noughties pop fans, they would have probably rattled off a list of potential candidates, including Britney, Christina and P!nk. But in the intervening years the madness, plagiarism, madness, fake tan, madness and generally being shit have all gotten in the way a little. These days it seems like Sarah Palin might be a better candidate!

The thing is that Madonna hasn't simply been musically significant (which she certainly has), but also culturally, sartorially and inspirationally. Like her or not, it's difficult to argue against the fact that she has pushed boundaries artistically, commercially (Pepsi wanted their money back!), and sexually (the D.H. Lawrence picture book). Are there any contemporary Fempops who can hold a candle to her?

Maybe there's Beyonce? Getting the obvious stuff out of the way; she's been phenomenally successful, both in Destiny's Child and as a solo artist. Her music has pretty wide appeal and few could argue with the brilliance of Bills, Bills, Bills and Crazy In Love. At the moment, though, she seems to be playing it extremely safe. The concept for I Am... Sacha Fierce is clever, but the songs are lacking in sass. Did the independent woman up and leave as soon as Jay-Z put a ring on her finger?

What about Gwen then? Stefani's first album was a hoot and the lead track, What You Waiting For? is indescribably brilliant. She also has a successful band career and lots of support from some pretty cool peers. Although the last album wasn't quite up to snuff, she has retained the bleeding edge of cool and is definitely a unique force in music (would anyone else have been absurd enough to try Wind It Up?). All this could be for nought, though, as she saddles up with the No Doubt boys once again.

And what of Britney? She may well have collected the fragile pieces of her mind up off the bathroom floor but her music is now verging on the criminally insane (if I was dating a girl who said the word Womanizer anywhere near as much, I'm sure I'd have put cyanide on her cheesy chips some time ago). Has Britney consistently produced the classic tracks that we need from a pop Queen? Baby One More Time or Toxic are pretty good I guess, but she's yet to blow us all away.

It could be anyone of these artists, or none. Maybe I'm looking in the wrong place and it'll be a Lily Allen, an M.I.A. or a Cheryl Cole. Or maybe it's just that the age of the superstar is over. With music available by the track in a hundred different formats, we don't all have to buy the same vinyl or watch the same TOTP any more. If and when the right time and artist comes along, I'm pretty sure Queen Madge will still be in the ring to put the newbie through her paces.

Jordan Stead

Currently listening to...
Alphabeat - Alphabeat
Natalie Imbruglia - White Lilies Island
Cibo Matto - Viva La Woman

Bye Bye Bonkers Britney

It's ten years since doe-eyed trailer-trash fox BJ Spears unleashed brand Britney with her poptastic debut ...Baby One More Time and saucy schoolgirl shtick. Within a decade, Britters has gone from teen dream to half-dressed mess in one of the most spectacular falls from grace in the history of pop. We've spent the last five years mesmerized by Britney's tantrums, tiaras and baby dramas, but from now on, if reports are to be believed, we're only going to get the cleaned-up version of the pop princess. While we're happy that the Louisiana lovely is downing vitamins instead of Vicodin, we can't help but lament the passing of the mad-as-a-box-of-frogs superstar; especially upon hearing super sanitized new single, Womanizer.

Had we not adored the magnificent Blackout, released at the height of bad-Britney mania, Helen Of Troy... probably wouldn't give two figs about the future of the former Disney darling, but her fifth studio album was such an awesome schizophrenic electro-pop joy, we fell for the fucked-up sweetheart harder than we could have thought possible. The sneery cry of 'It's Britney Bitch' still excites us more than a year on.

With this in mind, we were well excited when we heard we were going to get a fitter, happier, healthier Britney. Unfortunately, even after a few listens, we're still not feeling new single Womanizer, which got us to thinking... Is Britters only worth listening to when she's clearly clinically insane? and... Is it wrong to only be interested in an artist when they're in meltdown?

Spears is by no means the first artist to burn out brilliantly. From Billie Holiday to Amy Winehouse, people have always been interested by suffering stars, but is it the scuzzy soap opera that excites us, or is the music of the unstable just plain better?

We're yet to hear Britney's new album Circus, but we're rather worried by rumours that it includes a ballad. Helen Of Troy... hates all ballads - fact, but Britney ballads are a particular bugbear of ours; Sometimes and I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman still make us want to do a sick!

While we don't want Britney to fuck up forever, we also don't want her to return to the airbrushed airhead of yore. Here's hoping Blackout wasn't a one-off and Ms Spears can find her fiery bad-ass inner-bitch while maintaining some kind of balance.

Currently listening to...
Girls Aloud - Out Of Control
The Long Blondes - Couples
Ebony Bones - Don't Fart On My Heart, We Know All About You (singles)